what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
