And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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