i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
