Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
