the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
