Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
