a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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