Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Success! We fucked roommates!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
