I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
