I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
