I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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