I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize