i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
