He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
