Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
