we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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