Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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