At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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