Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Your cock deserves a montage
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
