he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
