If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
try to milk me bitch
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