So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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