I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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