So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
wow bdsm is so cute
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