Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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