At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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