i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
