i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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