How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
