I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
