Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
