I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
