So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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