can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
