Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
