Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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