My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
