Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
