well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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