Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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