I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
