What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
