Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
