She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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