I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
