Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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