If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
