i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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