pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
