i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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