dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
