Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
