Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize