I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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