The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
