dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
