So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
