I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize