Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
