my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
