If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
