Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
